His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Damn victory sex feels great
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
