I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
