Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
