I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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