ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
