I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
