nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
