my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
