I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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