They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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