He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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