i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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