yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
