Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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