***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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