Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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