therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
