I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
