I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
