shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
