So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
