I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
