if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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