Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
