take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
