thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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