I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
