I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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