Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
