wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You took a bar mat shot.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
