Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
