im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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