yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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