if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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