i just wanna soil my oats bro
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
