we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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