dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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