If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
