I'm going to jail i love you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
