Umm I'm too high to move.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
