Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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