quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
