I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
