Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
