My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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