there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
