Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
