yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
