I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
