If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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