that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
