Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
