you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
